If we have a teenager or work with one, we know that social media influences all aspects of their lives, including their mental health and college aspirations. In this blog, I will be discussing social media's impact on students' well-being and academic pursuits, starting with the dissemination of college admissions statistics on platforms like TikTok. I also discuss strategies to help our children manage their exposure to these statistics on social media and how we can prepare them to be more resilient and successful on their own journeys.
Teen Mental Health, Social Media, and College Admissions
Teen mental health is a pressing concern, with studies linking excessive social media use to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness among adolescents ( "Association Between Social Media Use and Depression Among U.S. Young Adults," published in JAMA Psychiatry in 2019). The pressure to present a curated version of oneself online and the constant comparison to peers can exacerbate these issues. Moreover, the advent of TikTok has introduced a new dynamic to this landscape, with users sharing their college admissions experiences, including where they got accepted and their stats.
While the intention behind sharing college admissions outcomes on TikTok may be to celebrate achievements and provide guidance to peers, it inadvertently contributes to the culture of comparison and competition among students. Seeing others' successes can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, especially if one's own results fall short of perceived standards. Additionally, the emphasis on prestigious colleges and selective admissions perpetuates the myth that acceptance to these institutions equates to personal worth and success.
Strategies to Prioritize Mental Health
In my practice, I actively work against the prevailing societal norm that a more selective school or path is a "better" choice, and instead, I work to keep emotional health and wellness at the forefront of the process. My primary focus is to guide students and families to the educational opportunities that allow them to thrive.
Here are some strategies to promote healthy social media habits and positive mental health during the college admissions process:
Encourage Digital Detox: Advocate for periods when students disconnect from social media to focus on self-care activities and meaningful offline interactions.
Foster Self-Compassion: Help students develop resilience and self-esteem by emphasizing their unique strengths and achievements, regardless of college acceptance outcomes.
Provide Perspective: Educate students about the limitations of social media portrayals and the diversity of paths to success beyond traditional college admissions metrics.
Promote Authenticity: Encourage students to cultivate genuine connections and share their experiences authentically rather than succumbing to the pressure of crafting a perfect online persona.
Foster a Supportive Community: Create a safe space where students can openly discuss their concerns and receive guidance from peers and mentors who understand the challenges of the college admissions process.
Dealing with Difficult Emotions
The other piece of our "good vibes only" culture we live in is that it leads to trying to avoid sitting with difficult emotions. It is ok for your teen to be sad that they didn't get into a college they wanted to or be jealous of a friend who did. These are normal emotions, but often, we want to talk ourselves or our children out of them, or other people tell us to be grateful for what we have or that we didn't really want to go to that school anyway. To move through something and not get stuck, we must feel our difficult emotions and allow them to exist in our bodies. Then, once we have done that work, we can get to the other side of thinking about how we want to show up and what we want to do next - whether that is deciding which of the colleges that accepted us that we want to attend or deciding to take a gap year or maybe not watching Tik Tok for a while.
Distress tolerance is an oft-forgotten skill that we all can lack. As parents, it is hard to see our children struggling, but it is a crucial skill they need to learn to succeed. There will be moments of disappointment, and one of the biggest gifts we can give our children is the ability to persevere through those moments and keep moving toward their goals.
The Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley University publishes a magazine, and a recent article was titled "Three Ways to Navigate Difficult Emotions" (direct link below). They describe three different views you can take when encountering a difficult emotion.
The anchor view - Try to find an anchor in the difficult emotion by doing a short mindful pause using the ABC method. A=Notice and name what you are feeling. B=Bring the nervous system into balance. This could be breaths or intentional muscle tensing and relaxing. C= "see" what is needed - what might be wise or skillful going forward.
The child view - Take a small child's viewpoint and bring their curiosity to what you are feeling. Like the ABC steps above, the article recommends you Stop, Drop, and get Curious. Stop what you are doing, drop into your body, and be curious about what is there.
The compassionate parent view - Imagine you are a child in distress, and your parent comes to sit next to you, putting their arm around you and offering some caring, understanding words. This can feel very foreign as it is not normally how we treat ourselves, but if we can encourage our children to find self-compassion for their feelings, we will increase their inner resources when the next challenging emotion or situation comes up.
In Closing
Social media can bring up a host of difficult emotions for our teens. Through the strategies outlined above, we can guide our teens to make healthier choices for themselves while also aiding them in learning the skill of sitting with difficult emotions. By addressing the intersection of teen mental health and social media in the context of college admissions, we can empower students to navigate this journey with resilience, self-awareness, and compassion.
This journey to figuring out what comes after high school can be fraught with twists and turns, but if we can keep our children focused on THEIR path, purpose, and alignment, their chance of persistence and thriving is much higher! Together, we can redefine success beyond acceptance letters and foster a culture of holistic well-being in pursuing any educational path after high school.
I look forward to your conversations with your students, teens, and young adults. Let's make this journey joyful and transformative for them!
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