Where do I start to figure out my student's path? #1 - Values & Mindset
- Anne Johnson
- Feb 14, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Feb 29, 2024
Feeling confused, overwhelmed, or lost when trying to figure out your student's educational path? Take a deep breath – you're not alone, and help is here! It's never too late to start, and I'm here to show you exactly where to begin. Get ready to embark on a journey of discovery and empowerment as we navigate this process together.
Swim Lessons and Mindset Shifts
I took my children to swim lessons last night, and a man, who was probably in his 40s, was taking a swim lesson in the children's pool. He was doing the same exercises as the kids were doing and surrounded by them. I thought, WOW, talk about a mindset shift, to be surrounded by children and take a beginner mindset and go for it! It was a good moment for me to pause and think about where I could be more vulnerable, put myself out there, and learn something new. It was a challenge to my brain's normal thought of worrying about what other people think and instead focusing on my path.
My son Theo
This story is a great example of how a mindset shift can open up so many more paths and options in how we think about helping our students choose paths after high school. Part of my mission here at Edpath Coach is to normalize that there are alternate paths to success after high school. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it is never too late to start!
This is a Season of Parenting
In the spirit of mindset shifts, here is another one: this is one season of parenting. This is not all or nothing. This is a stage; we as parents can forget that just as potty training was a stage, just as tantrums were a stage, this too is a stage. Stages in parenting go by so quickly; before you know it, you're getting rid of bottles. The same is true with figuring out your child's educational path after high school. One day, your child is going to be 30, and they're going to be living on their own, and we want to help them make this process as intentional and positive and transformative as we can, which is what I'm here to help do and provide resources for you to help do that. But we also want to remember that this is not all or nothing. This is not: we have to get this right, or else. There's always room for alternate paths, alternate stories of success, and alternate choices. So that's when I'm here to help you navigate, and also, I'm here to help you lift up and help make sure that your child has an enjoyable process, and we set them off on a path to thriving.
If you didn't have a chance to watch my video from last week, where I interviewed my friend Gara about her students' paths after high school, Take a few minutes. It is linked here. Her advice for parents was so thoughtful. It's all about listening to your children, letting them find their own way, letting them find their own path, and how you can manage that process as a parent.
Start with Values
So, okay, the first step that I'm going to recommend that you do as a family while figuring out your student's path is going to be figuring out what's important to you. What do you value? I think we often skip this step whenever we're trying to make a decision. We want to leap right to the end and figure out what we need to do. Make the list, check it off, and it can feel overwhelming about where to start.
So here's what I'm telling you: start with what's important to your family. What do you value? Not everything; every family values something different. It's important to me that my children learn how to swim. It's important to me that we have a lot of family time. It's important to me that we be outside. Every family has values; everybody does things differently. We think how our family does things is the only way it can be done. But as we grow up, we find out that's very much not true. So what's important to your family? What's important to your child? What's important about their high school experience, or what will their future look like? You want to figure out what you value, and we've often never stopped thinking about this in our own lives as parents or in our work lives. And so, this can be an opening and informative place for you to start. And this isn't, what major do they want? How far away are they gonna go? This is global; what is important to you, your family, and your student? So you might be asking yourself, okay, well, how do we go about it? How do we determine what's important to us and our values?
I recommend you use a value sort. One is linked below from the Good Project. There are printable cards with categories to sort them into. Ideally, you sit down with your child and do this together as a family because you're thinking about it globally. What's important to you? What's important to them? There are 30 cards, and you're gonna sort them into least important, less important, neutral so it way, more important, and most important. Then, there are the different value cards. And this can be hard because it can be like, well. I'm not sure. How do I distinguish between understanding, helping, or serving others and social concern? And so you got to tease those things out. Think about what matters more to you. That's the value of doing a sort like this. It really forces you to prioritize the top things to you. Because we can think about a lot of things. But when we really narrow it down, that helps us make choices moving forward. So make this a family activity. Sit down together and do this value sort together. And then I want you to think about how you are living these values out in your life; for example, if helping and serving are family values, do you volunteer together?
Values Buffer Against Obstacles On Your Student's Path
Research done by psychologists has shown that if students engage in a values exercise like this, it can buffer them, which means protecting them from a lot of barriers or obstacles that might come up where they might give up otherwise. In one study, a values intervention in a college physics class reduced the male-female achievement gap and elevated women's modal grades from the C to B range.
Another example is if I am having a hard week in college and I'm thinking about dropping out, but I remember that I value helping others, which is really important to me, and that's why I'm here, going to school for social work. Values alignment can push students to persist through a lot of difficult circumstances versus if I'm in college because this is what I'm "supposed to do." This is what everybody told me. I was supposed to do. But this is really hard. I don't have any buy-in in this process. This isn't important to me, and I haven't thought about why I'm doing this. That can be when dropping out, not going to class, or not finishing degrees on time happens. So, we want to start from a place of why your student is doing this. What's important to you and them? How do we connect those things? And then what are the steps that we're going to take forward? Moving forward, make sure that we can find a place where those things will be a match and that path that your teenager will thrive on after high school.
Your First Step on the Path
So your first action item, your first step, is to do a value sort together as a family. Figure out what's really important to you. What is that foundation that you're going to be working from? And then, next week, we will move on and build from there!
Book a Free 30 Minute Call to Start Your Path
12 Questions to Ask Your Student Right Now
Values Sort: https://www.thegoodproject.org/value-sort